8.29.2013


Today was the start of the school year ward barbecue. I wasn't really looking forward to it because I was tired, and talking to and introducing myself to lots of people didn't sound very appealing. Well, we went anyways and lucky for me, I have a husband who isn't afraid to put himself out there, introduce us and start conversations. He lead us over to sit with two other couples sitting and talking on the grass. We began talking with them and they were all so nice! I was actually starting to enjoy myself. Tyler asked one couple how they met and they continued to tell us their story, how they got engaged in one semester, and how they knew they were a "typical mormon story". Now look, prior to being married, I would've done a lot of judging in this situation. I would have thought that this couple is immature, not truly in love, and mainly going to regret their decision of moving so fast. But now that I am married to a man I have known for just a little over one year, I've really changed in how I choose to judge others. I don't know their story and the experiences they've had as a couple. As this couple continued to tell us about "their story", I turned over and caught a glimpse of the third girl in the circle turning to her husband and making a sour face while mouthing, "they're so crazy". This bothered me. And I think that part of the reason that it bothered me, is because in the world's standards of courtship, engagement, and marriage, Tyler and I moved fast too. Over the past few months, I've personally received a lot of criticism for getting married so young. People haven't always given me their two cents to my face, but they have to my parents, my sisters and to my friends. 

How do you feel about young marriage?
How would you feel about young marriage if you were to get married young yourself? Would your opinion change?

Here's what I now believe. Each of us has a plan here on earth. For some, it may be to be a talented artist, a successful singer and songwriter, an author, a mother, a father, encouragers, teachers, and lovers. I didn't plan on getting married young. But when Tyler came along and things were working out for us, I knew. At first I tried to deny it and run away from it, but inside, I knew. I was so happy to have met Tyler. Every girl dreams about their future husband and future wedding and knowing that mine was coming up was happy and exciting. Sadly, the part that I had to get over was the opinion of others. I knew that a lot of people wouldn't agree with the path I was choosing to follow by getting married young. I remember being so afraid of all the people that were going to gossip about me getting married and thinking I would rather just not deal with it by not getting married instead. I'm so glad that I didn't give in to the fear of those words, but those words still did hurt. 

But I have to say, that I made the best decision possible. I've always dreamed of being a wife and a mother and I feel so grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow with Tyler. Those feelings of fear were prevalent as Tyler and I were deciding to get married, and even a couple weeks after we were engaged. But I got to a point where I didn't care. Over time I learned something I hadn't known my entire life, and that was to not be affected by the opinions of others. I've become happier, stronger, more compassionate and understanding, and less judgmental. This life is too hard to be critical of others. We all need each others unconditional love and support. It makes all the difference in the world.

stephanie sunderland photography


7 comments:

  1. Getting married young gets lots of criticism…. I know.. :) But like you said, it doesn't really matter! You made the decision that was best for you and that's all that matters. When you know you're supposed to marry someone why wait? Hope you're enjoying the married life! :)

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    1. Thanks so much Alysha! You're so right, and I'm so glad that I made the decision that I did. I am loving it! Your blog is so cute, I love reading it!

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  2. I also was there, as I was married at 19 too. A lot of criticism came from family members (and they said it to my face). Would I ever change the fact that we got married when we did? No. Would I change the fact that we started a family as soon as we did? No. People are amazed to find out that this child that is soon to be born is Number 5 and not number 1 or 2. They say that we look to young (why thank you, I feel like the last 11 years have aged me!) But I agree with you, that you do what is best for you. It doesn't matter what others say. We can not judge other people, we don't know their feelings or their circumstances. The only one who can judge is Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. And if we are making right decisions they will be with us no matter what.

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    1. I didn't realize you were married at 19 too! Yeah, I do not regret any of the decisions I have made because I know that they were the right decisions for ME. I'm sure you understand that. How long after you were married did you and Isaac start your family? Thanks for being an awesome cousin and a great example!!

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  3. Spencer was born a year and a half after we were married. It was the right decision for us. And if you are asking for counsel from the Lord and following the counsel he gives, you can't go wrong!

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  4. Thank you for this blogpost I am dating someone right now and even I have gotten rude comments (even not being engaged). I almost thought that it wasn't worth dating anymore because of the things people were saying, but my mom told me that if I am in tune with the spirit and the Lord I can't go wrong! It is nice to hear about how you handled it! I have been given some confidence even though things can get scary:)Thank you!

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    1. Aubrey I didn't know you were dating someone that is so great! Seriously though, the mean comments still come! I have just realized that I need to focus on what's best for me, and me only. It's hard when they're from people you care about! But I love what your mom told you.. Seriously! That is perfect. Good luck with this boy:) Don't let other people influence such decisions! You are not alone on that one:)

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